Love of mine some day you will die But I'll be close behind

I'll follow you into the dark
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the Conceited Republican

Shai, 031789
Yes, inspirations...
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University of London
(London School of Economics)

Maintain a status quo.
Never allow public opinion judge you.


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Way long before
thanks y'all
20090616 @ Tuesday, June 16, 2009

A falling star fell from your heart and landed in my eyes
I screamed aloud, as it tore through them, and now it's left me blind

y'know something. when you're feeling down and shitty, and people who're concerned about you start asking about your well-being, how does it make you feel?

personally, i would feel shitty all over again and guilty.
guilty for the fact that i'm making them worry about me.
then i'll start feeling shitty all over again.

i've never enjoyed disappointments and losses. especially when you've put in your heart and soul in something. i guess who would either, yes?

it was a tough event for me to overlook and pretend nothing happened.
the thing here is, my parents didn't bring me and my siblings up, just to admit defeat in things we attempt. hence why we never quit when we do things, be it in studies or something else, we do things proper and well-planned with no disturbances in between.

this dates back a long time back, from our predecessors. really. not that any one of you would understand it anyway even if i would explain.

words of concern are practically the most solaced words one could ever wanted. yet,when tables are turned, i realised that i could never handle comforts. cuz it only makes me feel like i've let everyone down. tsk

my folks and siblings did their own style of cheering me up. but since we seldom shower concern openly, it's hard for words to come out from our mouths. you can put it this way, that my family is a handful of people who do not express our emotions openly. be it disappointment or satisfaction.

therefore we're not used to getting all the comforting.
it kinda runs in the blood, you see.
we're so used to it that we hardly even wish each other good luck. we do it discreetly.

so i got the usual drill of a huge discussion behind the fact that i didn't do well in the competition. it's like the way how people talk things out, spilling their thoughts aloud, yeah we do that ALL the time.

as of now, with all the support from my family, team mates, team manager and chief coach,
i'm okay.
:]

still disappointed,though.
:[

they make me feel like i'm not alone in this shit situation.

i wish i could say this louder and in a more detailed form, i'm referring to the appreciation to everyone, but it's gonna sound as if i just received an award or an Oscar's.
lol

right chaozxzxz


you were never there. i'm totally disappointed in you. terribly.