Love of mine some day you will die But I'll be close behind

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the Conceited Republican

Shai, 031789
Yes, inspirations...
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University of London
(London School of Economics)

Maintain a status quo.
Never allow public opinion judge you.


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Way long before
sorry seems to be the hardest word
20090808 @ Saturday, August 08, 2009

I was reading a friend's blog. Somewhere in which I realised and discovered a totally different side of this particular friend. I should say I ain't a "friend" to him, rather a passerby in his life. As well as he is in my life. We spoke, rarely, but at times.

I despised him. Honestly, I did. Partly because I didn't want to associate myself with people of his "type". Also, he gave me an impression of someone not worth to be a friend of mine.
If I'm allowed, I would say that I'm a very conceited person. Honest.

See, the problem is I was young, naive and immature in the fact that I chose wealth/lifestyle over knowing a person truly deep inside. Till now, I dare say I still do. If you're rich, trendy, nice-looking, I welcome you as my friend. But if you're otherwise, I'm sorry to say I would shun you aside. See? That's the kind of person I am.

Now, this particular friend of mine, through reading his blog I understood that he isn't the person he portrayed himself to be. When we were in polytechnic. Yeah he was a classmate of mine. He never was a prominent classmate cuz there will be times that I would see him not present for classes. Also, I didn't care much about people of his kind, once again I havta admit. Hmm

So upon reading his blog, I think I have been totally judgemental about him. It was a huge mistake to have overlooked his part. He did have a hard time during his teen years. The major trouble he got into. The shit places he went to. The years and youth he lost that could never be redeemed back. Yes he dropped out of school. Well, come to think of it, prolly it was his absence in class that made me think that he's one of those losers who would discontinue polytechnic halfway through the 3 years. Hence, you see, that kind of discrimination towards him.

I can safely conclude that he isn't bullshitting in his blog. (I can tell.)

To that one friend, as far as I am concerned, I know you will never read my blog cuz I don't even talk to you. Maybe you would have even forgotten me in the first place. It wouldn't have mattered anyways. But come again, I feel bad and guilty after reading your blog.
I'm remorseful of making and jumping to such judgements about you.
I should have given a better thought of you and understanding your plight than to just be so shallow.

I'm not the type of person who would come forward and say sorry in person. I don't have the bloody balls to do so. I am coward myself - as much as I am conceited.

So discreetly here, I apologize for my childishness in thoughts of you. I'm sorry to have thought of you so insignificant. I'm ashamed of myself to have reacted so unpleasantly to you. Maybe you would not have any recollections of it. But I know myself well enough - I tend to be very very rude and indifferent to those whom I think aren't worth my time. It happens ALL the time.
So sorry to have that person be, you.

:(