Love of mine some day you will die But I'll be close behind

I'll follow you into the dark
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the Conceited Republican

Shai, 031789
Yes, inspirations...
K-Pop
University of London
(London School of Economics)

Maintain a status quo.
Never allow public opinion judge you.


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Way long before
lousy-ish
20100915 @ Wednesday, September 15, 2010

It's 5.30am in the morning and I don't have the feeling to blog this early yet. However I find that I needed to. Maybe it's just an excuse. Maybe I really need a space to express my crazy mind.

Possible reasons of why I'm feeling like shit:
1. the pre-withdrawal syndrome to resign from work end of this week
2. the new school academic year
3. i'm already shitty enough

Somehow or rather, I have been feeling so lousy these few days like as if I'm insignificantly transparent. The depression cycle takes on it's routine when I'm at home(I don't feel like talking to anyone in the house), after retiring from work. Whilst the fact still remains that at work, I'm a carefree person and I mingle with almost everyone.

It's like a dual personality-split. Damn. I feel shitty.

Probable features of a lonely person like me :
1. I visit the library everyday after work to read my books
2. My mind tend to have a mind of it's own and it talks to me.
3. I only talk to my books.
4. I have an attitude deficiency problem.

Truth be told, I have kept my last few days before school so damn packed just to abstain myself from feeling like how I'm feeling by attending my Youth Executive Committe's meeting and upcoming events such as YOG Private Function @ Universal Studios, and YOG Appreciation Dinner and then a course this weekend just so that I have to attend school the next day.

But.
The feeling is still stuck.

It could be the book I'm currently reading, yes the one mentioned in my previous entry. Narrative self-discovery books like this really makes you feel small and moodless. It has a way of saying "You are a pathetic earthling" and then I feel shitty all over again.

Hmm it's sucks. I couldn't sleep the night/morning hence why I'm up so damn early considering I turned in late for the night. (I had a dream, a recurring dream - of someone so damn good-looking I saw yesterday)

Yes. It HAS to be the book. Too much of a coincidence, I have read several other books which will lead to a similar feeling of inferiority and I almost feel clammy. Shit. I hate this.

Maybe I need a new friend.