Love of mine some day you will die But I'll be close behind

I'll follow you into the dark
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the Conceited Republican

Shai, 031789
Yes, inspirations...
K-Pop
University of London
(London School of Economics)

Maintain a status quo.
Never allow public opinion judge you.


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Way long before
back for good
20110502 @ Monday, May 02, 2011

it's been an awful while since i have formally blogged. i have been rather lonely and busy these past few months. really, i have made friends here and there. yet i still crave for a certain degree of excitement.

when i'm out, i'm a totally different person. contrastingly, when i'm alone awake in the night, i find myself alien and foreign to everything. something seems to tell me that everything and everyone around me are fake. much like it's a falsehood. trust me, if i continue this way, i will be diabolical.

i dont usually make sense at all when i do entries like these. it's not a confession neither am i suicidal. rather, i am having the least confidence at this moment in time. maybe its the exams, cuz econs is in a day's time.

everyone have their piece of shit to rant about. mine is talking rubbish on my blog. no one will fathom what i'm typing cuz i dont myself.

i've gone back into listening to heavy black/death metal. mainly cuz i dont seem to be able to find the motivation in my phase of life, currently.

however it seems that whenever i have music blasting in my eyes i tend to lose away all my problems. problems so to speak, is referred to as the lack of colour and the emptiness in my life. then again i have to partially put the blame on the "studying too much and shutting myself away from the society"

i had always have this perception that since friends come and go, it's not worth putting in the extra effort. the friends i used to hang out with are all gone. or is it that i shy away from them, if at all? and when i grow up, i want a wardrobe full of gucci and no real friends. i will be the loneliest person on earth. i'll shy away from society.

the one particular friend who is isnt fake is no longer making any contact with me. i dont feel plastic when i'm with her. everything was a misunderstanding and my pride wont let me resume the friendship. nonetheless, i miss the crazy times we have bitching and gossipping about others.

i need to break free but i cant find the particular companion to do exactly that. hence the only solitude away from the social life is this corner of my small unknown blog.

maybe it's me. ya it's me.
i'm not usually emotionally withdrawn. as of this moment, i'm having Cradle of Filth blasting in my ears. subconsciously headbanging seems like a good way of meditation.

i'm assured that by the end of this song, i'm ok.

yes i am. okay. and i feel so much better after writing all these rubbish.